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| My husband and I have fought over dancing. Because it is my passion, when it is good, it is very, very, good and when it is bad it is horrid. Our emotions come into play because dancing expresses emotion. We have calmed down considerably through the years and now realize that sometimes dancing is more fun than other times. We all have bad days and sometimes we expect more than is reasonably possible. Most dance partners have disagreements so try to keep a sense of humor. We have learned to back off from each other if we're feeling hateful. Ladies can close their eyes and just try to follow. Gotta go |
| Boriskaf.I think of a dancing partnership as two people acting a part, just like the leading man and leading lady making a film. They may not know each at all, but in the film act as if they have known each other all there lives. Each one learn their lines, and they have a director. Your director is your teacher. If you and your partner learn your lines well you may make a great film. |
| It has some what lifted my spirits to read of this topic. You see my partner left me for the love of dancing and naturally I am very saddened n upset (to say the least) it made me feel a bit better to think maybe he and his (new) dance partner may have some difficulties from time-to-time and that it is not going to be all roses! I am angry for a different reason! |
| Interesting. My wife and I fought too. I felt the only thing you could possibly do that was worse was to play bridge with your partner. Recently, our weekly coach (Sasha) came up to us in his group class and said (in heavy Russian accent): "How refreshing it is to teach you. You are the only couple that doesn't fight." I had to laugh (because we've had some bruisers in the past! LOL!) Regardless, we have been very lucky to also get coaching from Pat Bovaird (former New Zealand champ, ISTD Fellow/Examiner and 6 or 7 times judge at the Worlds) when he visits every couple of months. Every teacher has their approach. Part of Pat's approach includes two strong themes: 1. Dance the lady. and 2. If anything goes wrong it's the man's fault. If the man does it right the lady has to do it right. OK,that's a bit of a simplification but I've danced as woman with him and I have to say I have no choice what to do and I never have to do it under stress. As a school teacher one of the best bit of insights I ever received was: If things are going wrong examine what you're doing first. So how does this equate to the fact my wife and I get along so well now? 1. I concentrate on what I'm doing right not what my partner is doing wrong. As I've improved my own technique I'm less critical of my partner. As she gets less negativity from me she responds more positively while my getting it right makes it easier for her. and 2. I recognize and accept that she is not as driven as I am so I concentrate on getting it right personally so that she has an easier time, finds it fun and tries harder. Finally it's fun! LOL! OB |
| To all who have replied, thanks so much for your wonderful insights, and advice. Being so new, I had no idea that there was so much fighting going on! It is most certainly a learning process, both in dance, and our own emotional maturity. |
| Part of your reaction may stem from the fact that you were dancing tango...
Perhaps that's the emotions that this dance causes in you. For us (and we love tango! perhaps more than any other dance) it's a rather aggresive dance - with agression and violence barely held in check... That's what we feel like and that's what we try to show.
Of course, we never fight physically. :)
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| I never think of Tango as aggressive or violent. I think of it as sexually provocative, with an emotional expression similar to Bolero.
Jerry |
| Jerryblu, Of course, everyone has his/her own feeling of dance moods. Even different versions of the same song may cause different interpretation by the same couple...
Basically, for me, tango emotions are defined by the original Argentine tango history. It did grow up in a rather dangerous environment - with predominantely male population, the tradition of knife fights and violence. Is it also sexual? Of course - but one does not exclude the other...
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| if you are haveing difficulty with anger and your partner, frist of all the issue of your partner making a mistake, bring it up with him that you think he may be doing it incorrectly, because it "feels wrong to you" and you think your doing it correctly. also, as for anger in general, next time it happens just stop for a min and breathe deep, have a sit for a min if its that bad. recently my partner and i are haveing trouble with vinenese waltz, well hes not, i am. and i was getting very frustrated with myself, because i knew how to do the moves, i knew what i was doing wrong, but i couldnt get my body to do them correctly, i had to just stop and sit down for a min. also, are you sure his os off balance? i cant think of the word he uses, but my instructor tells my partner to sort of charge through me with large steps, if your not ready for it, or simply dont know about it, it feels very wrong and very off balance. that could be whats going on. |
| My partner sometimes (dancing socially) is like a backseat driver telling me specific things like--lower your rt. shoulder, take bigger steps, don't sway so much, stay down more on Foxtrot, smile, keep your frame down and in place, hold your head up, and smile. I'm also trying to count the beat, do floor craft, select patterns, think about my technique.
She is a better trained dancer than me, so I tolerate it. She is Eastern Europeon and is used to some very tough dance intruction. We have been dancing together for 5 years, so I am sort of gotten used to it. Most of the time she is correct and is doing what she believes is helpful. All of this would really irritate me, but now it doesn't.
I took lots of lessons on Hustle and WCS and taught her these dances. She caught on to theses dances very quickly. Now we do about 16 different dances together, so there is plenty of room for improvement.
There is lots of give and take in a partnership, but when you have a female partner thats better than you--there is more taking on your part. |
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